Demystifying the eternal question number 1
It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT
54. Never to forget:
*birthdays
*anniversaries
*arrangements she makes.
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food and beer.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Aham Bramhasmi!!!!
Why don’t I feel the need of a God?
It was Durga Pooja celebrations in office today. A priest had come. He chanted some incomprehensible lyrics in Sanskrit which none of us could understand barring a few sholkas here and there. In between he changed to sherawali, jota wali and I felt Narendra Chanchal crooning in his “Can’t be measured on the Octave scale” voice.
The entire office was there. The god fearing ones had gathered around the small idol which was installed this morning, right at the place where we make our guests sit. So was she another guest for a couple of hours. None of the God fearing fellows came out when the installation was being done, or the decoration was being done. It was left for the housekeeping staff to do the same.
People had funny and angry looks in their eyes when they saw me not attending the “Aarti”, someone called me Groucho Marx (I am not sure why, also I haven’t read him). I had this question which nobody could answer, why do we celebrate Durga Pooja or any other Hindu festival with so much fervor, do the Pooja, aarti etc. but why don’t we do a namaaz, or observe Roza? Why was Baisakhi not celebrated with equal fervor, why was Christmas was a mere holiday, why there was no celebration for that?
It is such a façade. People are afraid. They fear God. So God is a fearful person. Is he a villain? Is he a goon? I just refuse to understand this strange philosophy. You are afraid of any person only when you are wrong. You fear God because you want him to forgive you for all the wrong doings of yours.
I don’t fear any one because I live up to the expectation which I have set for myself. I may be wrong but who decides. Definitely, not the society who has no spine or strength to handle the evolving relationships between human beings.
While the whole tamasha of idol worship continued, I had a few questions buzzing along side the besura pundit’s devi maan ki bhentein.
1. Why is that we celebrate Hindu festivals better than any other festival?
2. Why do we fear God? Why cant we just own up to our own mistakes?
3. And the most pertinent, which I don’t think anybody will be able to answer. Who created God and why?
If it is about having faith, I have faith in my hands because of them I am able to work. I have faith in my legs because of them I am able to walk. I have faith in my eyes, ears and nose. I have faith in my hair which make me look good. I have faith in my brain which allows me to think and gives me enough power to earn my livelihood and earn a living for my family. Does that mean, my body is God?
I guess, we did realize that our body is God that’s why the brain is situated in a place called temple. (loosely borrowed from Dan Brown’s new book “The Lost Symbol”)
Am I being too cynical?
It was Durga Pooja celebrations in office today. A priest had come. He chanted some incomprehensible lyrics in Sanskrit which none of us could understand barring a few sholkas here and there. In between he changed to sherawali, jota wali and I felt Narendra Chanchal crooning in his “Can’t be measured on the Octave scale” voice.
The entire office was there. The god fearing ones had gathered around the small idol which was installed this morning, right at the place where we make our guests sit. So was she another guest for a couple of hours. None of the God fearing fellows came out when the installation was being done, or the decoration was being done. It was left for the housekeeping staff to do the same.
People had funny and angry looks in their eyes when they saw me not attending the “Aarti”, someone called me Groucho Marx (I am not sure why, also I haven’t read him). I had this question which nobody could answer, why do we celebrate Durga Pooja or any other Hindu festival with so much fervor, do the Pooja, aarti etc. but why don’t we do a namaaz, or observe Roza? Why was Baisakhi not celebrated with equal fervor, why was Christmas was a mere holiday, why there was no celebration for that?
It is such a façade. People are afraid. They fear God. So God is a fearful person. Is he a villain? Is he a goon? I just refuse to understand this strange philosophy. You are afraid of any person only when you are wrong. You fear God because you want him to forgive you for all the wrong doings of yours.
I don’t fear any one because I live up to the expectation which I have set for myself. I may be wrong but who decides. Definitely, not the society who has no spine or strength to handle the evolving relationships between human beings.
While the whole tamasha of idol worship continued, I had a few questions buzzing along side the besura pundit’s devi maan ki bhentein.
1. Why is that we celebrate Hindu festivals better than any other festival?
2. Why do we fear God? Why cant we just own up to our own mistakes?
3. And the most pertinent, which I don’t think anybody will be able to answer. Who created God and why?
If it is about having faith, I have faith in my hands because of them I am able to work. I have faith in my legs because of them I am able to walk. I have faith in my eyes, ears and nose. I have faith in my hair which make me look good. I have faith in my brain which allows me to think and gives me enough power to earn my livelihood and earn a living for my family. Does that mean, my body is God?
I guess, we did realize that our body is God that’s why the brain is situated in a place called temple. (loosely borrowed from Dan Brown’s new book “The Lost Symbol”)
Am I being too cynical?
Saturday, June 27, 2009
For A Random Woman : From A Random Man : : A Random Thought : For A Random Day
It just came out...without an effort...so I believe its honest..as honest as it gets...
For the randomness that I seek...I find and yet not...so to the randomness that I seek and to the randomness that I find....Here is to you.
I see a day...
some years away
when my hair have turned Grey
My share of sea that I can see
outside my window and the sky
A doorbell rings and I loose the thought
I walk back and open the door
to see you all drenched in the London rain
I let you in and give you a towel
The water dries..and fresh clothes arrive
you drape yourself in and then just stay
I see a day
some years away
when my hair have turned Grey
What say?
For the randomness that I seek...I find and yet not...so to the randomness that I seek and to the randomness that I find....Here is to you.
I see a day...
some years away
when my hair have turned Grey
My share of sea that I can see
outside my window and the sky
A doorbell rings and I loose the thought
I walk back and open the door
to see you all drenched in the London rain
I let you in and give you a towel
The water dries..and fresh clothes arrive
you drape yourself in and then just stay
I see a day
some years away
when my hair have turned Grey
What say?
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Rare classics
In the journey of life, there come certain milestones.
Those never come back...those never come back
Means,
Zindagi ke safar mein ghuzar jaate hain to makaam
wo fir nahin aate...wo fir nahin aate...
A few more of my ramblings...a few more to your insults
Abey khargos, bageeche mein ghoom riya hai kya...borrowed from the Tempo (public transport of Indore) wallahs. Means...oye rabbit...u think its a park or what?
Abey hamare jaise ban to jaogey lekin hamare jaisa calibre kahan se laogey?
Aisa hai beta...jahan bhi jaoegy...hamein hi paogey...ghoom fir ke wahin aaogey.
Maut, Yamraj aur Viplove...hamesha galat time par baat sun lete hain..
Those never come back...those never come back
Means,
Zindagi ke safar mein ghuzar jaate hain to makaam
wo fir nahin aate...wo fir nahin aate...
A few more of my ramblings...a few more to your insults
Abey khargos, bageeche mein ghoom riya hai kya...borrowed from the Tempo (public transport of Indore) wallahs. Means...oye rabbit...u think its a park or what?
Abey hamare jaise ban to jaogey lekin hamare jaisa calibre kahan se laogey?
Aisa hai beta...jahan bhi jaoegy...hamein hi paogey...ghoom fir ke wahin aaogey.
Maut, Yamraj aur Viplove...hamesha galat time par baat sun lete hain..
Work Quotes
Right from a Trainee Junior Copywriter of an advertising agency in Indore to Director - Programming of a 45 station strong radio corporation. 14 Years and I have thrown up more memorable quotes than Salim-Javed in the years of their association.
Quayde mein rahoge to faayde mein rahoge.
Haathi paalo, kutte paalo, billi paalo..yahan tak ki apne aap ko bhi paal lo magar mughalta kabhi mat paalo.
Mast raho masti mein, aag lagey basti mein.
Kapdon se bahar aaogey to nange kehlaogey.
Ho gaya? Ab main bolun?
Jitna kaha jaye utna suno, jitna nahin kaha jaaye utna samjho.
Chalti bus ki sawari mat karo...tapak jaogey
Itna maroonga na ki khurach khurach ke nikalna padega.
These are timeless classics. Some of the gems I use more often, some have now travelled across the sea and poor peasants an earthings are also using them.
Quayde mein rahoge to faayde mein rahoge.
Haathi paalo, kutte paalo, billi paalo..yahan tak ki apne aap ko bhi paal lo magar mughalta kabhi mat paalo.
Mast raho masti mein, aag lagey basti mein.
Kapdon se bahar aaogey to nange kehlaogey.
Ho gaya? Ab main bolun?
Jitna kaha jaye utna suno, jitna nahin kaha jaaye utna samjho.
Chalti bus ki sawari mat karo...tapak jaogey
Itna maroonga na ki khurach khurach ke nikalna padega.
These are timeless classics. Some of the gems I use more often, some have now travelled across the sea and poor peasants an earthings are also using them.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Strange attractions
Dont draw me in...I have been unable to think in a line...my thoughts are like the walk of a fully drunk man...and you watch it from the periphery...
Wrote for a girl who has been drawing me in...for last couple of weeks...deliberately staying away from me now...
Wrote for a girl who has been drawing me in...for last couple of weeks...deliberately staying away from me now...
Holi
Zindagi Roz Ek Naya Rang Dikhati Hai. Main Roz Holi Khel Kar Wapas Aata Hoon.
A friend Apoorva asked me about my well being...and I just wrote this. Fell in love with myself. Once again.
A friend Apoorva asked me about my well being...and I just wrote this. Fell in love with myself. Once again.
What The Fuck Is This Blog?
One simple motive. I want to shower the world with some of the most genuine and not so genuine insults. To act as a pain-reliever, I will also add some of my mind's random ramblings, which basically are the dialogues from my unfinished Bollywood dreams. If only idiots were away from film making, I would have made the next...whatever. I don't want to be the next whatever....I am rather happy with whatever I am.
Please feel insulted if you think it is for you or I mention your name in it. The idea and the intent is to give it back to people who were generous enough to loan me some of the most memorable insults of my time.
On popular demand, I am willing to unveil the pictures too...
Please feel insulted if you think it is for you or I mention your name in it. The idea and the intent is to give it back to people who were generous enough to loan me some of the most memorable insults of my time.
On popular demand, I am willing to unveil the pictures too...
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